


I love you when you're singing that song

by Kittywu



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, M/M, car crash, i think i should apologize for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-03
Updated: 2015-07-03
Packaged: 2018-04-07 10:54:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,347
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4260624
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kittywu/pseuds/Kittywu
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"His voice sounded happy, carefree, it didn’t sound like that a lot. Maybe it was because he loved that song so much. Maybe it was because of their trip, maybe it was because of him, he didn’t know and he wouldn’t ask, he just enjoyed the song."</p>
            </blockquote>





	I love you when you're singing that song

**Author's Note:**

> This fic is my super duper belated birthday gift for my chuu bf [Marsh](http://www.yukinomahou.tumblr.com). And by super duper belated i mean nearly a month late. i'm so so sorry for that :( but happy belated birthday !!!!  
> and if you wonder who gives a friend a major character death fic for their birthday, yeah i know.  
> oh and before i forget: the song this whole thing refers to is [Riptide by Vance Joy](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=41GD4O7RJKU).

The wind was playing with Tsukishima’s hair, and Kuroo could see out of the corner of his eye how beautiful the other looked. Sunglasses covered his eyes and his long fingers tapped on the dashboard of the car.

“It’s not that far anymore,” Kuroo said, a smile on his face, looking at the road in front of him.

“You have been saying that for at least an hour now. Will you finally tell me where we are heading?” the other asked.

“Then it wouldn’t be a surprise anymore, Tsukki!”

He had no intention of letting Tsukishima know what he had planned for their anniversary, he had just told him to pack the stuff he’d need for a weekend trip, then he had picked him up at his apartment and now, two hours later, he was still pleased because of the fact that his boyfriend would never guess what he had in mind.

“Kuroo, if you do something incredibly cheesy like taking me to the sea and proposing under the sunset or anything like that, I will tell you right now that my answer is no,” he said and turned his head to look at Kuroo.

“You’re really mean, you know that? So you’d say no if I’d proposed to you?” Kuroo was still grinning, he didn’t even need to turn his head to know that Tsukishima was smiling.

“Maybe, maybe not. You were not actually going to do that, were you?”

“Do you think I am that sappy?”

“I know you for quite a while now and we have been together for five years now. Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised. It would kind of suit you.”

“You’re right, that does sound like me. But I’ll have to disappoint you, that’s not my surprise.”

They grew silent then, the comfortable silence that they had for half the drive, Kuroo liked to listen to the songs on the radio from time to time, softly humming along and Tsukishima liked to keep quiet when other people drove because he didn’t want to distract them. Kuroo wasn’t sure if Tsukishima dozed off at some point, he just realized the lack of the occasional motion of Tsukishima’s head, the lack nervous tapping of his fingers and the sound he made whenever Kuroo actually decided to sing along to a song.

\--

That guy sure is clever, he thought to himself.

He had the small black box in his bag, and he couldn’t help but smile when he tried to picture the other’s face when he’d get down on one knee. It wouldn’t be by the sea though and not in front of the setting sun, but he was sure that his boyfriend would figure out the rest in due time.

\--

Tsukishima had a soft voice, a quiet voice when he sung, he never sung loudly and mostly just when Kuroo was the only one around, he was embarrassed of his voice, embarrassed of his singing, even though there was no reason to be. And whenever he started to sing along softly to a song on the radio that he particularly liked, Kuroo smiled, told him that he was a good singer, and then got quiet to listen to the sound of his boyfriend’s voice.

“ _I was scared of dentists and the dark_ ,” he heard him sing suddenly, he knew the song, because Tsukishima had showed it to him at some point, the other was so fond with that song, and it was one of the songs where Kuroo could be 100% sure that the other would start to sing.

His voice sounded happy, carefree, it didn’t sound like that a lot. Maybe it was because he loved that song so much. Maybe it was because of their trip, maybe it was because of him, he didn’t know and he wouldn’t ask, he just enjoyed the song.

Tsukishima always got the chorus wrong, stumbling over words and humming he parts he forgot and Kuroo loved it so much, it was so cute, because he always got back at “ _cause you’re gonna sing the words wrong_.”

He must look beautiful right now, he thought to himself. Five years together and he wasn’t a bit less in love than on the day where they got together.

He joined in with the singing at the part that he loved the most, the part that always reminded him of Tsukishima, his voice was louder than Tsukishima’s and while his boyfriend stuck with the original “she” of the lyrics he was more yelling his lyrics out than singing:

“ _I swear he’s destined for the screen, closest thing to Michelle Pfeiffer that you’ve ever seen._ ”

Tsukishima was smiling, a genuine happy smile, the kind of smile that gives one wrinkles under the eyes, the kind that can light up a whole room. He loved that look on Tsukishima’s face.

\--

Then everything was fast, everything was hazy. His memories weren’t as clear from that point on, fuzzy, coated in something, like cotton or a thick liquid. He had no intention of making them less blurry, he didn’t want to think about that at all, but there were those bursts of images that came flooding in sometimes, a flash of memories of what he wished had never happened.

Everything turning black, a crash, blackness and pain, opening his eyes and seeing so much blood, seeing things he didn’t want to think of. Seeing Tsukishima and trying to get some voice out of his throat, trying to make him hear his name, how often did he try to call his name? The sound of sirens in the air and the absence of sound from Tsukishima, no answer coming from him no matter how much he called out his name.

And the paramedics getting him out of the wreck that used to be his car, treating his injuries and himself still not stopping to call for Tsukishima, “Tsukki! Hey, Tsukki!” and “Tsukishima, please, answer me.” Being carried into an ambulance, that paramedic that told him everything will be fine to calm him down. But how was everything going to be fine? He knew it already, he didn’t want to know it.

“Kei, please, please stay alive.”

And then the news in the hospital when he woke up again that felt like another crash once again.

\--

_“I love you when you’re singing that song and I got a lump in my throat”_

It was always that one line that got him the most, that one line that felt like it was tying a knot around his throat, a knife stabbing him from behind. He couldn’t stand listening to that song anyways, but it just needed those few words to make him lose everything that was still left of his calm.

\--

He felt guilty, so guilty. Sometimes it felt like guilt had become the only feeling he had.

And when the sadness came back, he remembered that it wasn’t, that there still was something else to feel left, the suffocating, painful sadness.

Why was he still alive and Tsukishima dead?

He thought about it a lot, he blamed himself, he knew that he was the one to blame, it was his fault, he had taken his eyes off the road. He blamed the song, he blamed those lyrics that had made him look at Tsukishima like that in the first place. Sometimes he even blamed Tsukishima for singing.

It didn’t change a thing, he still had to wake up alone, with no one next to him and no one to sing to him in a quiet and shy way.

The ring had survived out of all things, he couldn’t bring himself to throw it out. He had talked to Tsukishima’s gravestone after the funeral, had told him about it, about getting married and about the surprise he had had in mind back then.

“I wanted to take you to the mountains. The sky is clearer there, you know. And I wanted to give you the ring under the full moon, because you shine as brightly as that,” he had said between tears.

“Please, forgive me, Kei.”

**Author's Note:**

> btw i write short drabbles in general and for kurotsuki week on my tumblr that i might put here at some later point in a collection but if you wanna read them you find them [here](http://www.suzuyajuuzoux.tumblr.com/tagged/mads-writes).


End file.
